took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
