I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
