Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
