apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
