Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
