I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
