That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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