she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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