if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
