I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
