3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
