He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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