And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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