woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
