I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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