Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
