She said her name was "party"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You took a bar mat shot.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
