I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
