I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
