my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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