My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
