you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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