I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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