birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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