That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Did I show you my penis last night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
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Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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