So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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