I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
