Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
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