He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
