I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
