White coat. Heels.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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