Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
