btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
