i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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