Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
