i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
this just has baby written all over it
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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