What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is Oprah even human
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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