people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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