Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
