i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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