Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
