I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
