Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How external is "for external use only"?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
