is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
