You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
