this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize