I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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