y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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