Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
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