So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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