Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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