I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
