i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
