i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
