Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
